Restrained Feelings
by Rukama
Summary: PERSONA 4 ONESHOT/SONGFIC Contains the hidden feelings both Chie and Yosuke tried so hard to keep from each other. Little did they know how wrong they were to do so. Song: Afraid For Love To Fade


Author's Notes: It's…very long. I quite enjoyed making this fic. Chie/Yosuke make such a good pair! It has the usual sappy love crap. Damn, I need original plots…_

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**_My head's in a jam  
Can't take you off my mind  
From the time we met  
I've been beset by thoughts of you  
And the more that I ignore this feeling  
The more I find myself believing  
That I just have to see you again._**

"Dammit, Chie!" Yosuke Hanamura cried out in anguish, his hands clutching his head tightly. He was alone his room after school ended. It wasn't anything interesting during his usual habits. Waking up, go to school, sleep during classes, leave school, hang out with Souji if possible, and then back home. Thing is, after encountering Chie's Shadow, only then did he realize…

_…That she was a girl. _

_…That she had feelings Yukiko had. _

_…That sometimes, even she gets jealous of the qualities she possessed. _

_…problem was, he overlooked all that right from the beginning. _

He was denying it. He didn't want to feel the affections that were growing in him. Chie was loud and insensitive. She's all the things that a boy could ever possess. She was willing to kick him in the crotch [when he broke her DVD.] when she could have just reprimanded him, like…like Yukiko who was…absolutely nothing like her. He wanted to say he liked girls like her. The smart, thoughtful, quiet, reserved Yukiko.

Why was he thinking of Chie? Chie Satonaka? The woman, [he now realized] who wanted to act like a man in front of everyone else! No wonder he never saw her as one from the start. The crazy freeloader who suddenly appears as soon as he talks about food, the loud mouth that would talk about anything and didn't care who heard, but his gut kept telling him that there is more to Chie than what he already knew. Maybe…she was doing all this to hide who she really was. He wanted to know, he was desperate to know, he was already half in love with her the way she was now!

He thought himself as crazy to feel like this.

He couldn't believe it was love! Yosuke groaned and whined softly through his pillow, forcing his heart to stop beating so fast. From that day forth, he could never see Chie the same way again…He didn't know whether it was good thing or not. He could finally stop insulti—teasing her, he could also stop calling her names he would never call a girl, he could also take her to Junes in his own will…He mentally slapped himself. Only now did he also realize how much of an ass he was to her.

It was bad timing. Chie wouldn't allow this. She would…he didn't know. He couldn't imagine either. It was obvious how Yukiko rejected him shyly, but Chie…? It was in a whole new perspective he had never encountered. All he knew was that he had to let go, but he couldn't.

He already knew why. And he decided to not stop it anymore.

_**I can't let you pass me by  
I just can't let you go  
But I know that I am much too shy  
To let you know  
Afraid that I might say the wrong words  
And displease you  
Afraid for love to fade  
Before it can come true**_

Apparently, a certain girl was also having the same troubles. When she told Souji about Saki Konishi during their time at Junes, only then did she realize how utterly jealous she was of her. If only Souji didn't have to ask whether she was Yosuke's girlfriend, she wouldn't have to think so much about herself.

_"What did Konishi have that I don't?" _She thought sadly, closing her eyes, remembering once more the moment she last saw Yosuke.

She hated it when he was so open and willing to her needs. He was never like that to her. Of course…she knew he wasn't interested in her in the first place. It was only his I.O.U's and her persistent statements of guilt that forced him to take her out when his treat for grilled steaks was solely meant for Souji as a welcoming gift. She suddenly felt guilty of Souji. It was also her fault that he didn't get the steak. Yosuke had to take them to Junes instead because of her. She sighed softly at that thought.

When he did come back, he brought along Saki so that he could introduce her to Souji. She felt angrier at the way he looked at her, the way he spoke to her…it was so friendly and sincere. She knew that Yosuke would have to kill himself first if he had to act like that to her. But she wanted to try, and that scared her the most.

She would never, NEVER, consider telling him about the newly-born secret she was willing to forever keep. He would laugh till tears fell down. As the immature boy she knew he was, he'd insult her twice as more and completely ignore her if ever he did get his brains right. The only language she used to talk to him was filled with insults and negative remarks. It was the only way she knew that'd get his attention. She wanted to change. To be someone like Saki or Yukiko…girls she knew Yosuke fancied.

She was depressed at the thought of thinking that Yosuke would never be an intimate part of her life. What hurt her more was that she already knew deep inside, that no matter how much she tried, it wouldn't come true. The way things are now, what chances did she have left? She wanted to feel like Saki; she wanted him to treat her, Chie, that way…

Why did that nagging feeling have to get in the way of her dreams, telling her that it was pointless to want the impossible? She bit her pillow, forcing herself to stop crying, but she knew it would never stop once it fell. Why did Yosuke have to make her feel this way…? It was also that time where she denied her Shadow. After then, he was somehow, an entirely different person…he suddenly cared whether she was hurt, and even tried to comfort her about being someone a whole lot more…someone better than her Shadow.

_"Someone he wanted to love…" _She thought, forcing her heart to be delusional.

She didn't know then, how right she was at that moment.****

**_Like a child again  
I'm at a loss for words  
How does one define  
A crush combined with longing?  
Longing to possess you oh so dearly  
I'm obsessed by you completely  
I'll go mad if I can't have you_**

Yosuke tried to fight the sudden desire for her to no avail. He was forced to get that sharp pain in his trousers merely just by thinking of her. He clutched his blankets tightly, beads of sweat forming down his face. Of course he had a crush on Yukiko and Saki, but he never felt like this when it came to Chie. Days have passed and he didn't have the guts to be the man he thought she'd finally appreciate. It was tolerable in school but when he did get home, all his restrained desire would just burst out of him, making him feel even more satisfied than before once he succumbed to it . It was a shameless act, but he couldn't help himself.

_"A man has his needs…"_ He thought, making it a pathetic excuse in making Chie the object of his desire. Ignoring her presence made her more beautiful after he gave in for a quick look. He wanted to avoid any more contact, lest he should take her in his arms, whispering the endearments he rehearsed over and over. He wanted her to feel the same way, giving him the equal desire he wanted so much from her.

He also heard from Souji about Kou, the basketball captain, being interested in her. He laughed at him, pitying him in never knowing what kind of girl Chie really was. But that was the facade he needed to build. Damn straight he wanted to rip his throat apart! Chie should belong to him, not Kou! He knew her more than anyone other guy, besides Souji, Kanji and Teddy. On the contrary, what competition did they have against him? Souji and Kanji didn't seem interested, and Teddy, well, Teddy would go for any girl. He rejoiced at that thought. Not because Chie wasn't desirable in the eyes of other men, but it was that he could finally pursue her the only way he knew how. Being the man he knew she'd love.

Soon, all that thinking got him hot all over once more. Why couldn't she stay in his mind without trying to indirectly seduce him to a world where he could just be "himself" for her? He grabbed hold of his length. His skin prickled as he imagined once more…that it wasn't just him that got him mad for desire. He tried to silence his muffled moans as he moved his erection up and down, repeatedly, slowing growing faster. His breathing became unstable, as his thoughts of Chie restrained himself from going any further.

God, the things he'd do for her…

**_I can't let you pass me by  
I just can't let you go  
But I know that I am much too shy  
To let you know  
Afraid that I might say the wrong words  
And displease you  
Afraid for love to fade  
Before it can come true_**

"Yosuke's being unfair…" She murmured, not knowing what to do next. It was too hard for her to confess her feelings. He was obviously not helping…though his actions looked…a lot different than before. It seemed like he was avoiding her. Talking only when necessary, like during group works or forced in questions by her. He was becoming distant and aloof. Her heart skipped a beat out of fear. Did he finally find out about her feelings? She cried out, driving that notion at the back of her head. She was completely unprepared of that. She never even considered it.

She could just imagine it now. Yosuke, standing there, laughing at her. If not, he'd be disgusted, thinking she was just some ordinary gold digger that wanted to use him to control her relations with Junes. She'd never do that! She shut her eyes, stopping the tears that would fall once again. "Please, Yosuke…I don't…want to feel…unwanted…" She whispered, allowing her tears to trickle down her cheeks. It was that characteristic that made her admit her true shadow. If only…love didn't have to be this hard…

She could never let go of Yosuke. He unknowingly rooted himself in the deepest parts of her heart. She knew he did care. Just not in the manner she usually expected. He was sincere, caring, and oh so unbearably handsome. Her cheeks reddened for a moment, remembering those unusual but special encounters she had with him.

Encounters where he didn't do things that made her disappointed.

Encounters where he made her heart flutter…even for a moment.

Encounters where he somehow…made her fall in love.

She was finally determined. She wanted him to know. She carefully prepared herself for the rejection, but she didn't care anymore. After all that, the heavy weight of sorrow mixed with love will finally be raised from her shoulders. She didn't know how but she was certain it would work.

**_ I can't let you pass me by  
I just can't let you go  
Let me say the things and say the words  
To let you know  
I would rather say the awkward words  
Than lose you  
Or for love to fade  
Before it can come true_**

School was finally over that day. Souji and Yukiko had to leave early due to family errands. Yosuke himself was about to make up another excuse about helping over at Junes which was merely to avoid hanging out with Chie by himself.

"I'll have to go over at Junes since they needed extra work," He stated, trying to keep himself from shaking. There was obviously no work needed, he just wanted to get out and satisfy the growing need which got faster just by looking at her. "I'd hate to leave you, but y'know the family business." He grinned, meaning to tease her, but oh hell, he really hated to leave her! Why couldn't he just stand up as man, like those kung-fu heros in those movies she always loved?

"O-oh…I-I see…" She replied, moving her eyes away, trying to find something else nice to look at. Yosuke saw she was obviously sad, which tightened his heart a bit. But why? Maybe because she had to bore herself to death or something. "Yosuke?" She called out, moving her hand across his face. He yelped in surprise, his face suddenly growing red. He expected Chie to leave then. What was she still doing here? Why hadn't he left yet? His name sounded so good in her voice…someday, he'd be able to make good use of it…in the next life! He looked sadly at that can he finally have her?

"Y-yeah? W-what is it?" He stammered, trying to focus on something else besides her face. It held an expression he had never seen before. Chie looked desperately serious about what she was about to say. If only he could too. The classroom was entirely deserted. How long have they been standing like that? How come…he could suddenly control his desires right now?

"Y'see…I…I just wanted to say that y-you've changed a bit these past days, and I wanted to know w-why…and um," She whispered, feeling completely defenseless. This wasn't how she expected it to be. Why was he still there, willing to listen? Just like how he treated Konishi…? She blushed beet red, actually bringing back hope that he might return her feelings.

_"Oh crap, she knew!"_ Yosuke cried out in his mind. He didn't expect less but when did she pay this much attention to his actions? Well, it went on as a friend but she wasn't acting like one and…oh god, she looked so vulnerable, he fought the urge to take her right there and then. "C-Chie, I…It's just that…" He tried to choose his words carefully. She took a step closer, looking at him with her brown eyes filled with wanting. It was hard to confess to her in his situation but her face kept telling him to just say it! It was so tempting…he wanted it so bad, but what was stopping him! Silence passed like hours but it seemed to Chie like a blow of rejection on the face.

"N-no…please…I understand, I-I better go now," She whispered, bringing back in the facade of her usual insulting-like self. She didn't expect rejection to be this bad. Who knew that silence hurt even more than words? She was being delusional again, and she wanted to stop. She turned and ran past by him, tears flowing freely down her face.

"N-no, C-Chie! S-stop!" Yosuke cried out, a burst of ecstatic bliss erupting from his heart. He grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her quickly in an embrace. He never knew how wonderful it really felt to finally hold her in his arms. He buried his head at the crook of her neck, unaware of how hot his cheeks were and how Chie was in contact with didn't want her to speak just yet. There was too much for him to say himself.

"G-God, Chie, you have no idea how happy that made me feel. Ahh, you didn't have to say it at all… if what I just saw in your face was true, I'll never let you go!" He clutched onto her short hair, speaking to her between breaths. He was on the verge of thinking all this was a dream…and yet, somehow he wanted it that way.

"Y-Yosuke…" She murmured, failing to stop herself from crying. In response, she slowly wrapped her arms around his waist, cherishing every moment as much as she can. "I-I never thought y-you would…I mean, I-I'm nothing like S-Saki or Y-Yukiko…w-why a-are you…" Her voice ended as a muffle as soon as she felt Yosuke lean on for a kiss. "That's what made you so special to me, Chie…it was the fact that I could always be myself with you," He took in a deep breath and laid another kiss on her cheek. "Oh god, I'm so sorry for being such an ass to you for so long…" He chuckled, planting several kisses everywhere on her face, drying her tears with his lips on the process.

Chie couldn't help but feel unbelievably happy of the turn of events. Here she was, being in the arms of the boy she grew to love. She could never feel any luckier. "I…I love you, Yosuke…That's what I…wanted to say…" She smiled, growing more confident, knowing full well about how he felt. He gazed at her, his smile beaming bright, he wanted to just respond to her love but he was too happy to just say it. Instead, he leaned down once again, feeling her lips curve in a smile.

=FIN=

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A/N: holy crap the ending sucked. Wah! I'm so sorry! It's 3 am right now! I can't think of a better ending! .


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